“just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love,”                                                                                          Ephesians 1:4 NKJV

“You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.”                                                                                                                                   John 15:16

I used to read these scriptures and others in the “we are chosen” vein and wonder, if we are chosen before the foundation of the world so before anything existed let alone us then how can there ever be anyone that ends up not saved? Forgive me if it sounds terribly naïve but it was something that always stumped me when I would come across those kind of scriptures. But today, like the good Father that He is, God untangled that spiritual knot. I was reading my morning devotional on YouVersion. No, this is not a plug, they don’t even know I exist. I just love the YouVersion bible app, use it a lot and highly recommend that you use it too. The plan is called “Keep your love on: Connection” and it is intended for married couples. The reading today was about how we need to have a “I choose you” perspective instead of a “You choose me” perspective. I’ve been married for a little while and I have 4 children so I have already learned that love is a choice and cannot be founded on feelings alone but this perspective goes a bit deeper than that. I had never seen it that way before. I agree with the writer of this bible plan and it made me think about a few things. This “I choose you” perspective fis not just important for me to live by but for there to be a successful, healthy long term relationship both sides would have to live by this perspective as well. This lead me to think about the verses I mentioned and how God can and did choose us but that we still have a choice to make because for there to be success both sides need to choose the other. If we don’t choose to have relationship with God then we are choosing to turn away from the opportunity that Him choosing us presents.

This further lead me to realise that I have been mostly riding the tide of other peoples love or tolerance of me in my life. I wasn’t usually the one doing the choosing but instead letting them choose me which left me in a bad position and vulnerable to the other persons ever changing feelings. I would inevitably feel rejected and protective of myself if I began to feel that their feelings were waning at all and if they didn’t leave the relationship than I would. I see now how this “I choose you” perspective really is rejection repellant. It protects you from being at the whim of another persons feelings because you are always the one choosing to be in relationship. Now just to be clear, I did not say that it is protection from being hurt. I realise that making the choice to be committed is no guarantee of commitment and care from the other person but there are no guarantees in this life. Pain happens and that’s one of the many reasons I need God. What this perspective does protect you from is you protecting yourself which can limit you from experiencing relationship, keep you in the victim mentality and keep you from growing in your relationships. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to get in my own way anymore. I’m grateful for this new perspective and look forward to seeing how it affects how I do relationship in the future.


Side note: this perspective is not meant for those who are in abusive situations. Although I have seen circumstances turn around through one faithful spouse, I do not condone abuse. If you are in an abusive relationship I recommend that you seek professional help immediately and do not use anything I have said as a reason to stay in a situation that is dangerous for you or others.


I pray that this made you think differently today and that you encounter your Creator today.

If this impacted you, puzzled you or made you think please leave comments or questions below or on my Open Up FB page. I am a firm believer that feedback helps me grow and challenges me. Thank you for reading.

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